I am a 66 year old biological female, lesbian, same-sex attracted – that is, I am only
attracted to other biological females. I have many friends who identify in different ways, as
lesbian, heterosexual, bi-sexual, and some younger acquaintances who refer to themselves
as queer or non-binary. My younger acquaintances question why I refer to myself as lesbian.
My answer is, “that is who I am and always have been”. I am not, heterosexual, or cis or
queer. I have no problem with anyone referring to themselves by a word of their choice as
long as I am free to call myself lesbian.
When I was aged between 6 and 12 years old, back in the ‘swinging sixties’, I was constantly
told “you should’ve been a boy!” This confused me but I carried on being me! I liked wearing
shorts and trousers, no dresses… thanks! I liked playing football, and most other sports. I
climbed trees, went on long bike rides, took bikes apart, and went on adventures, often on
my own exploring, as children could in those days. I didn’t feel I needed to be a boy to do
this. What I did wonder, at the pubescent age of 11, was that if I wanted to marry a girl, that I
really should be a boy, and that thought preoccupied me in my early teens. As the years
went by, I came to understand that this was not the case.
I liked being with my girlfriends at secondary school and by the age of 15 was attracted to
one or two of them in a way that I didn’t quite understand. Well, I did understand but, not
having any references to the word ‘lesbian’ in our household or at school or in our youth
club, I felt invisible. It wasn’t until I found a copy of Spare Rib that I was able to read articles
about lesbian women. Thankfully my Mum didn’t throw the magazine out, or me for that
matter!
At university I had a clandestine relationship with a bi-sexual woman, which was unequal
and ended in tears for me. She was fearful of the stigma of being labelled ‘lesbian’. I think I
probably was too in those days, internalised homophobia, no doubt.
Moving to London to teach in the early 1980s was a liberating experience for me as a young
lesbian. I was 22 years old and exploring. I went to lesbian and women-only discos, met
political lesbians, marched with Lesbian Strength, regularly frequented the Lesbian and Gay
Centre in Farringdon and campaigned against the Section 28 legislation, which tried to stop
homosexuality being taught in schools. I ‘came out’, bought a house with my lesbian
girlfriend and made many lesbian and gay friends.
I read lots of fiction about lesbian women The Well of Loneliness, Patience and Sarah,
Beebo Brinker, Dry Your Smile, The Price of Salt, Ruby Fruit Jungle, etc, etc, etc…. Any
literature that I could find that spoke about the experiences of women in lesbian
relationships. I looked for films with lesbian characters, and TV dramas with positive lesbian
role models. To find anything lesbian was like looking for a needle in a haystack at times and
still, in 2025, there are very few depictions of strong positive authentic lesbian women on the
telly or in films, or in radio dramas, or in theatre!
I lived in Wales for 26 years and had a seventeen-year-long relationship with my lesbian
partner. We were encouraged by the Equality Act 2010 and the Civil Partnership Act 2004 for
lesbian and gay people. Many of my lesbian friends did have a civil partnership ceremony
and some were later married following the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act 2013. One of
my lesbian friends did her Women’s Studies thesis on ‘Where lesbians would like to live in
their old age’. The erasure of Women’s Studies Courses at Universities would make this
almost impossible now.
On feeling rather lonely after recognising myself as a ‘single older lesbian’ at the age of 58, I
contacted a dating site for ‘Single Women’. I saw a photo of a woman in walking gear (I like
walking). We messaged for a while online and arranged to meet in a cafe close to Carlisle
Pride. I was shocked to find a person looking very different from their photograph. In fact it
turned out that I was meeting a man dressed in women’s clothes and who said they were
thinking of having surgery but hadn’t decided. I was as polite as possible in saying that I am
a lesbian woman who isn’t interested in having a relationship with a man. When asked if I
wanted to meet again, I had to reply “no thanks”. I saw this person again on a Pride stand –
unfortunately I couldn’t find a lesbian support group there.
I am asking MPs and the new Labour Government to promote the rights of lesbian women,
specifically biological same-sex attracted females, to protect our freedom of association in
single sex spaces. I am asking for young girls to be able to explore their homosexuality with
protection to ensure that they aren’t encouraged or pressured into abusive surgery or
hormone therapy. I could have been one of those pressured young people. Any attempt to
eradicate lesbian women is misogynist and homophobic.
Lesbians are everywhere. We have common endeavour to support each other in living
purposeful and productive lives, associating freely in single sex spaces. The Equality Act
must protect our freedom to continue to live our lives as we choose. We, as lesbian women,
will not be eradicated.
